The Plight of Men in a Patriarchal World and Why Men Should Celebrate Women’s Liberation
by Elinor Dickson
Many of the gifts, intellectual and spiritual, that I have received during my lifetime have been from extraordinary men. Yet, fifty years ago, I remember the moment when the rage of millions of women coursed through my body—the release of centuries of suppression and suffering. The misogyny continues, and humanity will never fulfil its destiny as the Wise Species while half of our species is desecrated.
Today, patriarchy as a paradigm with its largely monotheistic, hierarchical power structures seems to be having a resurgence in one moment and collapsing in on itself in the next, leaving many men in a precarious position, oscillating between confusion, shame, and anger. As patriarchy fights through its last breaths, and toxic masculinity tries to revive it, a pathway is opening for men to experience their wholeness—perhaps for the first time.
To say that women will lead the way may strike the reader as sexist, but the fact is that women’s emancipation began over a hundred years ago, while men’s emancipation is only beginning. Just over a hundred years ago women were not considered to be persons and, therefore, did not have the right to vote or own property. In fact, they were seen as property. Now that the educational playing field has levelled, women have excelled. They are exceeding men in university degrees and overtaking them is many professions, including scientists, professors, doctors, politicians, journalists, and community leaders to name a few. Although equality has a way to go, today in North America, almost 50% of women are earning more than the average male.
Beyond the obvious awareness of how technology has changed the traditional job market for men, there are many new, and often better, jobs available based on that same technology. However, even when training is available, men often resist stepping into new roles. In his New York Times article in Sept. 2022, author David Brook, introduced me to the research contained in Richard Reeves’ book Of Boys and Men: Why the Modern Male Is Struggling, published that year.(1) What these men propose is that the real problem for men today resides in two, not unrelated, areas. First, there is a huge motivational gap between young men and women, and secondly, there is a relational gap, particularly among men.
Researching the advancement of young women over young men, Reeves found that, across different situations, young men had the same opportunities as women, but they did not take them. When he talked to men about this fact, the men admitted that women are “just more motivated, work harder, and plan ahead better.”
This obvious motivational gap between the sexes recalls studies supporting economic growth in what we call third world countries. Although education for girls was almost nonexistent in their villages, when grants for economic development were given to girls and women, the results were uniformly the same. They became empowered economically, as were their households, their communities, and, ultimately, their governments. It seems that while men may be the maker of tools, women are the makers of community, and in the end, it is a sense of community that motivates. Community at its roots is not only a place of shared gifts and creativity but also a place of shared vulnerability. The feeling that binds people together is rooted in something greater than oneself, an underlying energy that is inclusive of people and nature.
Typically, men, whatever their status, have projected the needs of their souls onto the women around them, as a burden for women to carry both socially and spiritually. Today, many women choose not to bear that burden any longer, leaving men to fill a gap within and between them. Typically, men talk about things ranging from the stock market to sports, depending on their interest, but seldom share inner scenarios, business or social. They seldom challenge each other to look at themselves or embody the higher potential of what it means to be human. The emerging need for more heartfelt relationships between men is the crack that is letting the light in, as many are beginning to reevaluate what it means to be a man.
Alexander Beiner’s Substack article in 2023 entitled “Broken Men in a Broken World” speaks of a deeper level of healing as men begin to see how patriarchy has seduced them. Given its hierarchal structure, the impossible climb to the top brings with it all types of shadow material born of the need to deny our real thoughts and feelings. The creativity that comes from the diversity of our gifts gives way to a mass-produced conformity that undermines us from within. Women in the past 100 years have largely articulated their suppression, while men are only starting to. Men are beginning to realize that under the domination model they have been used, for every Emperor or General there were millions of foot soldiers, for every Grand Duke there were millions of serfs. In a hierarchical model, the carrot held out to men was the dream that they could work their way up the ladder and be rewarded with better material circumstances and/or have power over persons below them. Of course, as head of the household, men ruled over wife and family.
The image of man was idealized in the Greek God of beauty and reason, Apollo, and in Michaelangelo’s David. These commanding images of manhood were described by playwright William Shakespeare: “Man, how noble in reason! Infinite in faculty! in form how moving, how express and admirable! in action, how like an angel! in apprehension how like a god!”(2) I doubt the man coming off the line at GM thinks of himself in these terms, but it is a whisper that has blown through the vicissitudes of our culture for centuries. Over time women, and now men, are seeing that the hero as we have constructed him is invested in his persona, not in his person. This carefully constructed persona manifested in someone like Donald Trump captures and allows his followers to see themselves in his illusory projection as the superman. On the other hand, if the imposed standards men judge themselves against—money, success, virality—are not met, then suicide, drugs, or violence seems preferable. This choice was captured in Arthur Miller’s Death of a Salesman. When Willy Loman commits suicide, at the funeral his oldest son, Biff, says, “He had the wrong dream. He never knew who he was.”
In my experience as a psychologist working with men, the heroic journey required at this time is to finally deal with “mother.” We are bound by what we fear. Rather than face their fear, men have repeatedly poured out their rage against it. The cruelty and violence of men towards their mothers, sisters, wives, and daughters is well documented throughout human history to the present day. In a supposedly “civilized” country like the United States, the 45th President has been convicted of sexual abuse, a technical term for rape. He, and seemingly many of his followers, think this is inconsequential as history points to the fact that powerful men have always been able to “grab women by the pussy.” For many men, this is a symbol of power, but as women know, and men are beginning to realize, it is indicative of a mindset that leads to our mutual destruction.
Following women’s emancipation over the past hundred years, the recognition and undertaking of men’s emancipation is vital to establishing a future based on the pulsation of life. Men are beginning to discover the natural man within themselves. This is not the erratic chaos generator sprouting hate and power over others. Rather, it is that part of man that resonates with the laws of nature, including the feminine capacity for weaving community.
As women began to honor their own feminine depths, as a psychologist, I was amazed at the number of dreams in these women that erupted in images of the “natural man.” I have written and spoken about this phenomenon many times. In these dreams, a tree splits open, and a glorious man appears, or a joyous male stranger appears and takes over the boring lecture of a male professor—his words becoming musical notes floating off the page. The brute or the Nazi that used to appear in women’s dreams telling them they are “not good enough” has changed. The inner voice is no longer that of a bully but a lover. When a woman stands in her own truth as a person both loved and capable of loving, she comes into her full power. As her natural instincts are inclusive, she is not vindictive or withholding. This is why men should celebrate the liberation of the feminine. While appearing in their dreams, many women are waiting for this man of strength and compassion to appear in the real world, a man who can meet her face to face.
Working with men in analysis, only a few persevered when it came to dealing with their inner feminine. They would dream of a little girl sitting in a bin behind the furnace, or a young girl they threw into the trash can or buried in the woods. In dreams, these images of the young feminine symbolize an image of their neglected soul. When men get in touch with their unconscious misogyny, it is often so at odds with their image of themselves that they can’t accept it. “This is silly,” they say on the way out the door. Those who have the courage to persevere in the Grail search to recover the lost feminine container of regeneration begin to experience a rich vitality and connectedness to the life around them. Today, many men are working in groups with other men to get in touch with this “wild” side of themselves—to become whole again.
Masculinity and patriarchy are not the same thing. Women who have evolved beyond patriarchy are those who honor their own feelings and intellect, their feminine and their masculine energy. They are compassionate with themselves and with all around them. They are also assertive without being aggressive. Similarly, you can recognize the men who have embraced this wholeness by their clarity of purpose and their rootedness and care for nature, for women, and life itself.
The configuration of a more conscious relationship within and between women and men is not fully manifest, but it is essential in making the radical leap to a consciousness that transcends gender, organized religion, or any hierarchical structure used to divide us. Kamala Harris, a woman of strength, intellect, and compassion emerged as a candidate for President of the United States and was joyfully embraced by large numbers of both men and women. Due to the inclusive nature of her values, she remains a symbol of the possibility for a new relationship between women and men beyond all the old stereotypes that, for centuries, have underlined so much hatred and self-serving oppression. However, as it became clear that the full potential of her candidacy would go unfulfilled, I could feel the contraction in my body, as did many others. It seems the fear of community and equality has once more given way to a toxic masculinity in both men and women who cling to the old power structures patched together with lies, hate, and greed.
Centuries ago, the ancient yin-yang symbol gave us an image of the complementarity of masculine and feminine energies essential in the creative process of bringing life into the world. Given that as a species we are on the brink of extinction, the urgency for women and men in this moment is to bring the feminine attributes for building community back into psychic awareness. If that happens, individually and collectively, the creative, empowering energy will be right there!
(1) Richard Reeves is a fellow at the Brookings Institute and President of the American Institute for Boys and Men.
(2) Shakespeare, William, Hamlet, Act II, Scene 2. Of course, having stated this, Hamlet goes back to his brooding, nihilistic stance.